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Dear Future Wife
It's Saturday again, right? I am curious to meet you,spend the night club hopping then you can take me home. I puke on the bedsheets and wake up at 5 to piss you off but before that I have 5 things for you.
1. I am the head you are the neck. No matter how unpleasant I am your role is to support me and not question me.
2. Don't wear a miniskirt to work. Are you seducing your colleagues? I am the only one allowed to see your legs in their glory. Wear a lesso if you can.
3. Girls night out. Those are not girls they are women who have refused to embrace changing times. Hang out with mama mboga as you buy dinner beyond that you are committing treason.
4. Forget about twerking and that fake accent. " we kujad then kwendad" you are not a video vixen and I don't want to believe that you went to a school where English was taught in Swahili and vice versa.
5. Stretchmarks and a protruding stomach. Its your duty to make me grow from 48kgs to 135kgs within a year. I Am the only one allowed to carry a kitambi. When you grow one and start having stretchmarks like a zebra crossing, take a sabbatical leave from our matrimonial home before I force you to.
NB I want to eat nyama choma at wa Ciru's with the boys,gulp down bottles of beer. Attend bachelor parties,go for Masaku 7s, take a trip to the land of a thousand hills, dance to chakacha and squander your savings. Then when i am broke, I will crawl back home and you will take a loan from the bank,give it to me and as you struggle to repay it I will be Taking Taraji Pendo to dinner in Massachusetts, take a joint with snoop dog in North Carolina then violate the federal laws of Georgia state.