Skip to main content
Sneaking Wilkista in the Campus men's Hostels.
I remember the sweet old days in campus when we seriously performed the international crime of child / human trafficking. Those were the days when we would say " comrades must enjoy and Generals must fatten"
Dry spell was a dreaded menace in campus especially during the months of cold. Those of you that reside in Nairobi and it's environs will agree with me that when that chilly weather descends,a man has to do what a man has to do. Get a partner,legally or illegally. Woe unto you if this weather finds you residing in one of those dilapidated hostels where micro comrades (bedbugs ) have pitched tent,the night is always a moment of terror,it gets worse when you happen to share that tiny room with 3 other men and one of them has a cold/flu.
I had arrived in the city for my second semester when the accommodations office decided to urinate on my basic and fundamental right, the right to privacy by assigning me a "quadruple" room or as we called it Quad. I grudgingly accepted this violation of my rights and embraced this situation, but if you thought that the gods were with me then you are wrong. After enjoying my luxurious supper of "chapati chafua" washed down with a glass of keg. I made the noisy trip to my room singing obscenities and reminding the ladies that "poor men are not allowed to erect " ( I was loaded with a few coins after directing a village choir during the holidays ) after a quick tussle with Juma the janitor who managed to milk some 50 Bob from the comrade coffers,I was escorted to my room where sleep quickly descended on my tired self. But by 3am I was up reading an outdated handout as the micro comrades had decided to feast on me. They had made sure that the little blood I had protected from the unceremonious blood bank was suckled under great discomfort. It was a welcome relief when the sun threw it's lazy rays through the window at 6am. I quickly took a shower and left the hostels making a brief stop over at the electronics kiosk where I bought a water heater. I passed by Nguju's and procured 3 bottles of Meakins vodka. I also tried to talk to Viola that hot classmate who managed to provoke my manhood and imagination for several minutes before urinating on my ego by friend zoning me. I returned to the hall of residence and declared 3rd world war officially on through my assassination attempts on the micro comrades,pouring jug after jug of hot water on the bed and spraying the vodka on the metallic frame. It was after this tedious errand that I gave myself a Nazi salute for dinner ( ugali and Omena/fingerlings). The night was just becoming sweet when the heavens opened and the cold sneaked in. It was hell on earth bearing in mind that my bed was at the window which was missing 2 window panes. It is for this reason that I made the bold step of dialing *131# on my Suffering com line and okoad some 20 Bob airtime. I made a phonecall to Wilkista,my class 8 girlfriend from the village of Mechimeru. I promised to take her to KICC,buy her slippers,cook for her ugali matumbo among other luxurious things. She agreed to board Mvumilivu safaris and join me in the city. I quickly sent 80 Bob via Mpesa to MCA Stylle Mundalo who carried her on his Bajaj Motorbike to Kimilili cbd where Erastus Njuguna the phone doctor was waiting. He took her to mvumilivu safaris and booked a seat for her. By 6am next morning my village lover was in town. I rushed to pick her buying her tea and cassava somewhere in muthurwa before I took her for a photo session at uhuru park courtesy of my 1.8 MP Bird phone camera( a first of it's own in sub Saharan Africa
) Lunch was served on her lesso somewhere in Central park before I took her to the hostels. There was one major problem at this point, Satia one of my roommates threatened to call the police on me,Kunani the other fool insisted that I just use my bed( I was to sleep on the top bed since it was a double Decker bed). My problems were far from over,during the night when everybody was asleep apart from Wilkista and I, the bed would scream and shout as I made the sudden movement or turned waking up Satia who would threaten me by dialing 999 and putting it on loudspeaker
