Also Read #ThisIsNotEss: My Engagement story will start from the intestines of Bungoma
Juma the janitor/ House keeper was a real menace during our days in campus. He is the only man in history to have thwarted my friends and I. Named the 3 musketeers because of our cheekiness and sharp approach on the campus by laws. When I left my village to join the campus I did not need my mother to accompany me all the way to the campus gate,my friend Eric alias Engineer and Steve aka Gadaffi would welcome me to this great academic institution. With my huge metallic box(I never owned a suitcase for security purposes like destabilizing the scanners planted at the gate). I arrived wearing my rural -urban migration smile carrying my metallic box on my head while a motorbike brought up the rear creaking on the weight of the maize and beans,enough to sustain a primary school food program. I was given a 21 gun salute reception by my two friends as my luggage disappeared in an illegal room the two claimed joint ownership of.
After the rigorous admission process that I spent chewing some roasted maize and exclaiming and cursing in my mother tongue as sweet girls walked past in revealing outfits I was assigned room number 334 in Hall 8. I was to share the room with Blasto, a very proud luo boy with an empty pocket. Within 6 hours my room had been converted into the unofficial campus mess as the engineer decided to announce my arrival by cooking a sizeable amount of ugali limited only by the size of the huge sufuria and fingerlings(Omena /Daggaa). Word of our presence spread so fast that even before we finished this task at hand(eating ) we were joined by Juma the janitor. The small room was immediately converted into a Ford kenya party office as our tribal affiliation in matters politics took center stage. "Mwaka ujao Bifwoli Wakoli atachukua urais bora awachane na Khalwale" Juma opined as he let out a loud fart blaming it on the poor campus sewerage system. "Naona Dida akikubali muite akue running mate wake watashinda" Engineer chipped in something we agreed on unanimously. After the meal,a snack of githeri and hot strong tea Washed down by a desert( ugali and Sukuma wiki plus avocados). With lunch taken care of thanks to our 3 course meal or rather buffet,Juma the janitor excused himself to resume his duties but as he exited he said " lakini hakuna kuleta wasichana after 10 pm na pia kabla 10am"
You Might also Want to Read this #TBT
My first date is supposed to be that moment of magic but This Is NOT Ess
I had officially been introduced to the famous 10 to 10 rule,something I planned to violate with impunity. Girls were hard to come by during the first few weeks as my village charms failed to activate and unlock this campus ladies( i suspect they were on a fake android plartform). One day after attending a serious lecture on statistics that was spent planning how I will attack my ugali with that kilo of meat the engineer had stolen from his aunt's place I met Wilkista. She was wearing this long skirts that are famous during those salvation rallies by Dr Prophet Awuor(yellow in color ), a long green top that looked like a raincoat and a red turban inspired by joginder Singh(arap Mashamba). Her great taste in matters fashion swept me off my brains or is it feet? I approached her stealthily like a seasoned night runner,coughed a bit abd launched my hit pick up line " hi greetings from the Earl of Elukhunje, owner of the prime and Fertile hacienda south of Kapedo" she quickly drew a map of Africa, smiled to reveal her dental formula that cannot be accepted during police recruitment .... a minute later she was heading to my den. Wilkista was for lack of a better word a serious "eater" that I was planning to turn into an eatee. She managed to eat a serious 3 course ugali meal and demand for roasted cassava to top up. Not wanting to look unromantic, I quickly told Blasto to go for exile as the heavy downpour began ushering in the ruthless Nairobi May Weather. But before my hands could muster enough courage to begin a safari across her hacienda, there was a knock on my door. I rose up and peeping through the keyhole I noticed the rugged figure of Juma the janitor and two watchmen. I quickly shoved Wilkista behind the towering sacks of maize that dominated my room and opened the door with a stupid grin plastered on my face. A random search under the bed and my room was cleared and the trio exited. I silently promised God tithe on Sunday for aiding my narrow escape and fished Wilkista from her hideout. My hands were busy roaming as my mouth discovered a new hobby. I was quickly undressing when the fire alarm went off and being the courageous man I am,I quickly jumped out of the window from my 2nd floor room to land on the flower bed and racing towards safety but that's when I noticed the unfair nature of the university accommodation office.
Hall 8 was a boy's only residence but the number of ladies exiting the hall of residence was twice the number of boys.... as we assembled at a safe distance, Juma the janitor came laughing. The foolish man had triggered the false fire alarm to flush out breakers of the 10 to 10 rule. Wilkista was gone, my ego flattened as I made the long solo trip back to my room that was now spotting 3 missing window panes!!
Juma the janitor/ House keeper was a real menace during our days in campus. He is the only man in history to have thwarted my friends and I. Named the 3 musketeers because of our cheekiness and sharp approach on the campus by laws. When I left my village to join the campus I did not need my mother to accompany me all the way to the campus gate,my friend Eric alias Engineer and Steve aka Gadaffi would welcome me to this great academic institution. With my huge metallic box(I never owned a suitcase for security purposes like destabilizing the scanners planted at the gate). I arrived wearing my rural -urban migration smile carrying my metallic box on my head while a motorbike brought up the rear creaking on the weight of the maize and beans,enough to sustain a primary school food program. I was given a 21 gun salute reception by my two friends as my luggage disappeared in an illegal room the two claimed joint ownership of.
After the rigorous admission process that I spent chewing some roasted maize and exclaiming and cursing in my mother tongue as sweet girls walked past in revealing outfits I was assigned room number 334 in Hall 8. I was to share the room with Blasto, a very proud luo boy with an empty pocket. Within 6 hours my room had been converted into the unofficial campus mess as the engineer decided to announce my arrival by cooking a sizeable amount of ugali limited only by the size of the huge sufuria and fingerlings(Omena /Daggaa). Word of our presence spread so fast that even before we finished this task at hand(eating ) we were joined by Juma the janitor. The small room was immediately converted into a Ford kenya party office as our tribal affiliation in matters politics took center stage. "Mwaka ujao Bifwoli Wakoli atachukua urais bora awachane na Khalwale" Juma opined as he let out a loud fart blaming it on the poor campus sewerage system. "Naona Dida akikubali muite akue running mate wake watashinda" Engineer chipped in something we agreed on unanimously. After the meal,a snack of githeri and hot strong tea Washed down by a desert( ugali and Sukuma wiki plus avocados). With lunch taken care of thanks to our 3 course meal or rather buffet,Juma the janitor excused himself to resume his duties but as he exited he said " lakini hakuna kuleta wasichana after 10 pm na pia kabla 10am"
You Might also Want to Read this #TBT
My first date is supposed to be that moment of magic but This Is NOT Ess
I had officially been introduced to the famous 10 to 10 rule,something I planned to violate with impunity. Girls were hard to come by during the first few weeks as my village charms failed to activate and unlock this campus ladies( i suspect they were on a fake android plartform). One day after attending a serious lecture on statistics that was spent planning how I will attack my ugali with that kilo of meat the engineer had stolen from his aunt's place I met Wilkista. She was wearing this long skirts that are famous during those salvation rallies by Dr Prophet Awuor(yellow in color ), a long green top that looked like a raincoat and a red turban inspired by joginder Singh(arap Mashamba). Her great taste in matters fashion swept me off my brains or is it feet? I approached her stealthily like a seasoned night runner,coughed a bit abd launched my hit pick up line " hi greetings from the Earl of Elukhunje, owner of the prime and Fertile hacienda south of Kapedo" she quickly drew a map of Africa, smiled to reveal her dental formula that cannot be accepted during police recruitment .... a minute later she was heading to my den. Wilkista was for lack of a better word a serious "eater" that I was planning to turn into an eatee. She managed to eat a serious 3 course ugali meal and demand for roasted cassava to top up. Not wanting to look unromantic, I quickly told Blasto to go for exile as the heavy downpour began ushering in the ruthless Nairobi May Weather. But before my hands could muster enough courage to begin a safari across her hacienda, there was a knock on my door. I rose up and peeping through the keyhole I noticed the rugged figure of Juma the janitor and two watchmen. I quickly shoved Wilkista behind the towering sacks of maize that dominated my room and opened the door with a stupid grin plastered on my face. A random search under the bed and my room was cleared and the trio exited. I silently promised God tithe on Sunday for aiding my narrow escape and fished Wilkista from her hideout. My hands were busy roaming as my mouth discovered a new hobby. I was quickly undressing when the fire alarm went off and being the courageous man I am,I quickly jumped out of the window from my 2nd floor room to land on the flower bed and racing towards safety but that's when I noticed the unfair nature of the university accommodation office.
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| I quickly jumped out of the window |