While growing up in the intestines of Bungoma county,there came a time when adolescence hit us and ooh boy it did hit us hard. Prior to that we had a very simple and predictable schedule. We would leave school at around 4 and head to the playground to play "lifundo"(that soccer ball made out of polythene paper). We would discard our uniforms and engage in this noble activity (did I say I was a gifted number 11 like Ryan Giggs?). When we spotted a teacher we would vanish until the coast was clear then return to action until darkness descended.
My first date is supposed to be that moment of magic but This Is NOT Ess
When adolescence started breaking in we would incorporate another segment into our normal routine, catcalling and whistling at the small girls our age. They were mostly girls from a private school called Phim school. Most of this girls would ignore us because we would always be rusty and full of mud. One day my good friends Johnny and Ochieng came up with a brilliant idea,a master stroke. Being a Saturday we agreed to dress in our Sunday best and waylay the girls of our choice. I was to go for my ex girlfriend Linda Ndalira,Johnny was to go after Elsie Okatch and Ochieng, well he was more of the security guy.
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| "lifundo" soccer ball made out of polythene |
I borrowed a spray from my bro Stitchy Stitch and his Brazil Jersey. I showered twice and for the first time in my life did facials. After the serious preparation we were set for the eventful afternoon. It was decided that we start with Linda then proceed to kwa Kina Elsie. I gathered enough punchlines from a play by Madam Grace Gatere where I was acting as the main female character,picked a few lines from the previous year's narrative titled Omuyeti(Litunda and Arara must have performed it). It took us 30 minutes to trace Linda. We met her as she left the posho mill. I quickly adopted a springy walk and approached her. I launched my attack with a poetic flow reminding her of how she was my Roger Federer,my only Gabriel Batistuta,my Karembeu. I went ahead to tell her that I will catch a bazooka for her because she had given me juju. She was giggling, drawing maps and twisting her fingers. My lines must have hit the right nerves or so I believed, I then told her I want us to go to the bush I show her my dudu (One Erastus Njuguna had told me that it was the killer blow) but immediately I said this,she let out a scream and took off. Naturally I followed suit in the opposite direction.
30minutes later we were doing a postmortem with Johnny and Ochieng. I was encouraged and so we decided to go meet Elsie. We scouted around, threw stones on their rooftop, whistled and waited. After several hours she came out heading for the shops. Johnny would quickly race after her as we kept watch. It was an anticlimax. She broke into English and being boys from a public primary school it was a hard task. After 3 embarrassing minutes Johnny joined us and we slowly made our walk of shame home.
We took a shortcut and boom.... the gods opened another door. We were passing near one of our teacher's compound (Madam Mware ) when we spotted her daughter Noel ( my 1st love) We were excited and chased after her. We greeted her smiling sheepishly but before we could make known our desires,she entered the compound locking the gate behind her. We were now frustrated but just then a brilliant idea occurred to Ochieng "tuite Nicky tumnunulie chipo alafu tumtume kwa Noel" Laduwaaaaaaa it was a moment of ingenuity from Ochieng. (Nicky was Noel's younger bro,he was 7 classes behind us) we crouched on the fence and started shouting "Nicky.... Nicky...." after a few minutes I was pressed to go for a short call,Johnny followed me while Ochieng continued to call out Nicky. We took the bush some metres away incase Noel came out abruptly. As we were busy peeing,WHAM! A huge stick landed on Ochieng's back,a yelp of pain followed the sound and Ochieng took off,behind him was Madam Mware (Noel's mum) we just vanished.