#TravailsOfComrade : Caught Pants Down i a campus female hostel.

TRAVAILS OF A COMRADE
“Say something I am giving up on you, I will be the one if you want me to” whoever sang that song must have had the interest of the common campus dude at heart. I am not talking about those campus chiqs who will go parading your phone number as mganga kutoka Pemba on a huge tree. Jane and I had been in a relationship for several years. She was the first lady I met immediately after joining campus. She had this exquisite figure that left you drooling. She was no goddess, she had her own flaws (they outshone her quality assets anyway) but she was good according to the status of this campus. I for one never wanted to go after her but after two months of dealing with a dry spell, I had to go for it.
Things were smooth, pizza on Tuesdays after landing my HELB cash, kuku at Omosh’s place.   Mutura at Kavaloko’s and chips at Mama Boyi. She seemed to be down to earth or that is what my friends always told me. For the 2 years we were dating, I had never visited her place until last week. She was residing at Stella Awinja Hostels. These hostels were always guarded by some mean looking security guards and the mama’s that worked as housekeepers looked like characters straight from Charles Manguo’s book son of a woman. They were well fed with little or no distinction between the neck and the head.
Ladies will agree with me that breaking the campus rule of 10-10 is the hardest task to be accomplished in a female hostel especially when dealing with a drunk boyfriend who has been busted severally in the female hostel. That was the scenario I found myself in last Monday after attending Jane’s birthday party at one idle club in town. The plan was to have Devi my chief goon pick us up later during the night and chauffer us to Kangemi but by 10pm the dude was too drunk to differentiate between the headlights and the taillights. 30 minutes later he had passed out.
This raised a technical issue for us, I had to find a way to reach my abode somewhere in Kangemi, I had no liquid cash with me apart from the 60bob matatu fare. Jane who didn’t want to listen to any of my explanations insisted that I stick around till she calls it a night. At 2am I was shouting myself hoarse, thanks to having enjoyed one too many, a crisis meeting was quickly held and my fate sealed. Spend the night at Stella Awinja hostels.

Sneaking into the hostel required pure talent and bravery. I had to put on a hood, a skirt and tweak my voice a little bit. I had to catwalk past the housekeeper while giggling at the same time. This was a tough call bearing in mind that I was drunk; as we neared the stairs I lost my cue and started grappling Jane’s backside. A sharp look muffled by the stern hissing of a warning jolted me back to reality but my act hadn’t gone unnoticed by the housekeeper.
Jane’s room looked neat and organized; a heater on the corner, a tin of blue band and some leftover slices of bread welcomed my hungry eyes. I was silently looking forward to dawn for I was sure of getting something. I checked my pockets and removed my 60bob coins, my ticket to Kangemi in the morning, thanked the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and proceeded to attend to matters of state importance. But even before the attainment of nirvana, there was a knock on the door that I was ready to ignore until I heard the words “fungueni ni security.”

The late Prof George Saitoti once said “there comes a time when the nation is more important than an individual” this was a moment where my safety was more important than my relationship with Jane. I quickly jumped out of the window and took off at full speed daring not to look behind for fear of being identified but there was one problem, my 60bob coins were laying idly in Jane’s room. I had no fare to take me to Kangemi!!!